yesterday was one of those days that a lot of fire arose in me…which is something i often have difficulty welcoming…i had such little patience and was quick to anger. my natural tendency when this arises tends to be to dissociate…buried in shame and guilt… feeling bad for those around me that have to endure the surfacing fire, that not even i know the origins of completely…
and though residing and being present in and to that space did not feel good initially…i decided to try an experiment…in the spirit of the committment i made to myself nearly a year ago…playing with this whole notion of allowing…and i found that when i was conscious of releasing myself from the unrealistic expectation of who and what i “should” be in every moment…i was able to see the cleansing work that was in process…as if a fire was clearing out the unresolve, the lingering residue of both conscious and unconscious origin…
these spaces demand the definition of definitive boundaries and that my need be asserted in order to allow the fire to do its work…letting my children know that i needed space to ground and breathe (as we often remind them to do)…modeling the reality that when fire arises (as it will) there is something in us that needs to emerge and be given voice and we are being asked to wield its power in generative ways…and the gift that allowing this fire can be… facilitating transformation and potential for renewed perspective and clarity…
we have been noticing (though it doesn’t require much attention) how many busy mama, (papa), and grandmother spiders there are finding a home under the eaves of our roof…
in our crowded, busy lives we seldom have the chance to slow down and inquire as to what lessons we may gleam from the things that show up in our lives (including even that small things…like these amazingly diligent spiders)… noticing what the earth and her beautiful creatures may be reflecting back…
not too long ago in our history as a species we paid close attention to these wise teachers… and so i became curious and inquired and came across this interpretation of what she , this beautiful grandmama spider may be asking us to pay attention to…
the following is a bit of what i came upon as i considered the ancient insights of those who have come before us, who noticed what amazing teachers we have access to in our midst at all times…in the fabric of our eco-system that we live and breathe, but often take for granted…
“Many stories exist about the weaver, Grandmother spider, her web bound all things together and formed the foundation of earth. In another story she carried on her back the gift of fire in a basket that she wove and presented it to the people…
These legends give the spider a link to the past and the future, birth and creation. When the spider crawls into our awareness it is asking us to rebuild the web of our life in accordance with the design the creator gave us.
Spiders differ from insects in having eight legs rather than six and in having the body divided into two parts rather than three. The number eight laid on its side is the symbol for infinity. The number two implies the union of two forces joined together. Together they equal ten. Drop the zero and you are back to the starting point of one. The hidden message of spider is unity.
The construction of a web is linked to the geometry of creation. In the construction of an orb web the spider releases a sticky silken thread into the wind. If the breeze carries the thread to a spot where it sticks the first bridge is formed. Spider cautiously crosses the line reinforcing it with a second. This process continues until a frame is constructed in which the web can secure itself. Bridges serve as a link tying all things together and remind us of our interconnectedness to all life.
The spider shows us that the past, the present and the future are all interwoven. It awakens our intuitive creative senses and encourages us to design the fabric of our lives from our souls original intention.
Because spiders are actually very delicate they embody the energy of gentleness. Spiders are not usually aggressive unless they are defending their lives. They move forward in all situations with a gentle strength. In man, the bite of a poisonous spider symbolizes a death, rebirth process. Poison enters the nervous system and the body either transmutes it or falls victim to its venom and dies.
The spider signifies the tapestry of life. The web we weave is the reality we experience. Choosing the appropriate path is one of the lessons associated with the spider.”
such a generous and wise teacher…
who are the teachers in your life that may offer you some insight and encouragement toward living life in a fuller way… what are these many teachers reflecting back to you today?
welcome fear
if it arrives
make it at home
re-assure it
allow it to rest
in the peace that comes with trust
it is tired of the fight
that is it’s existance
ask it what it has to teach you today
about holding too tightly
about this needing to know
about peace
![ry%3D400[1]](http://katypark.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/ry3d40011.jpg?w=420&h=305 "ry%3D400[1]")
birth as metaphor for life
welcoming contraction
as an inevitable companion
facilitating opening if not resisted
as this living life that is alive is constantly birthing and being birthed
unfolding and folding in
when fear finds footing
room for expansion evaporates
and the discomfort of contraction arrests development
in being with the discomfort
greater opening emerges
the laboring offers a glimpse of the potential to be birthed into new life
in each moment
i came upon a blackberry bush on a walk in the woods. it was just sleeping selah and i, as jeremiah was in school…nap time has been creating a space in my days that i am not used to having…time that is uninterrupted and the only demands on me are the ones i put on myself (to be as efficient and “productive” with that time as is humanly possible)…
i was struck with how very quiet this walk in the woods was…i then noticed 10 beautiful blackberries along the side of the path. i stopped, checking to make sure the lack of motion would not awaken selah, and then proceeded to enjoy a few of the perfectly sun-warmed, ripened berries…
i then noticed my hesitation as i reached for the others…is there a way i could transport and save these little treasures to share with selah when she awakes and offer jeremiah a glimpse of the wood’s offerings when he returned home from school?…then noticing how they were satisfying a bit of thirst that i had worked up on this sunny afternoon… and reflecting on what a natural first inclination it is for me as a mama to often think of my babies needs or desires before my own…
i was then struck with this tension that i have been sitting in the midst of … having recently sent jeremiah off to his first year of school…with all of our wrestlings and reservations…having weighed each considered variable…knowing that at this time we are not able to execute our most ideal school plan for him…noticing the tension in this dilemma: the surfacing subconscious belief that i have more control in the universe than i ultimately do…
it is true that parents have such a hugely important role in nurturing these beings that have been gifted into our lives…and that to an extent we co-create our (and our children’s) realities…and that we very often have choices in how we perceive our circumstances….
but these question arose in me after having picked the berries, loosely carrying them in my hand and continuing on my way…
do i trust that the universe (including the other people in it) will provide good things for my children (even if i am not orchestrating it or even conscious of it)? will they miss out on the gifts that are so abundant in this beautiful, complex world if i do not point them out or give them to them?
we all indeed have our own stories, colored with various textures and elements…and as a mama, my hope is to encourage jeremiah and selah to have confidence and faith in their own…to trust that the universe is gracious…that joy and healing are abundant even if also are the injustice and tears…
and i know too that as i continue to allow myself to listen to and nurture my own needs, i am better able to be present to theirs…in a ways that allows for growth… leaving them room to experience the gifts and grace that are available in all contexts…
…and with that i arrived home with empty hands (though streaked with purple berry stains)…
Filed under: thoughts
“a bird does not sing because it has a question.
it sings because it has a song” ~joan anglund
“…inquiry is a wonderful thing, but today is the day to rejoice in what you already know! put down the desire to know for just one day, and rejoice in being, with no other reason than to sing your own personnal song. who cares who hears it- rejoice in the song itselaf and the ability to sign it!” ~elissa cobb
there is this internal urging that i have encountered most (if not all) days of my life thus far…the urging desire that i seek to be pleasing to other(100% of the time)…and i am starting to see that with all of that wasted energy i am selling myself short of being rooted in who i am and being able to offer my true gift to the world…
Filed under: adventuring
justin and i recently celebrated our 9th anniversary and it happened to fall on a lunar eclipse and full moon. it is said that with all eclipses, something ends and something else begins and we tapped into that space created beneath the moon…taking the opportunity to create intentions for our lives both individually, as a partnership, and as a family heading into this 10th year. we placed rocks to signify these intentions in a pile, where the tide would eventually wash them away…asserting our role and responsability in co-creation and also recognizing and surrendering to that larger something that is at work in the universe…encountering our continued arriving with each other…chosing one another once again to journey with (as it is an on-going choosing)…all framed in the hopes to better serve the world…
making it to this space is far and few between these days…the summer days drawing my energy outside… but on this grey quiet start to the day i was poking around my site and saw that this short bit had not been published…from the looks of the picture of selah below it looks like it was probably a year or so ago…but it spoke to me this morning…
this business of being finite can feel limiting but also, there is something quite freeing in tapping into the reality of our being finite, limited to time, space and capacity…not to write off that on-going hope of evolution that pushes us forward…in our infinite-y…toward our dreams and perpetual desire for more or different…but recognizing the grace in not being able to do it all…in our finite-y…that is a good place to rest sometimes…
![5654_1177775477802_1030575800_30576686_900656_n[2]](http://katypark.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/5654_1177775477802_1030575800_30576686_900656_n21.jpg?w=420&h=560 "5654_1177775477802_1030575800_30576686_900656_n[2]")
after being bathed in the light of the sun
…as she indulged a bit…
borrowing the light from the sky of day
a new moon was born into the the earth.
women let us remember our deep connection to the moon
together our cycles ebb and flow
rooting us into the earth
allowing us to birth new life into being
offering generous, welcoming, gentle, & healing light to the cosmos.
Filed under: poetry
what an elaborate collaboration
of hoops
fear has created
minds to maneuver
instead let rest come
in the truth of god’s all knowing all being hope
what a wonder
a cruelty
if this were all a big game of guesses
which light is good?
which light is of the “darkness”?
or could it be that order is bigger, more inclusive, less divided?
could it be that we are all welcome and welcoming?
none turned away…
let go of your corner to behold the beauty of the intricately woven fabric
in all its textures
as no one has a corner on the god market
behold
the divinity resides within each of us
namaste.
