Filed under: adventuring
justin and i recently celebrated our 9th anniversary and it happened to fall on a lunar eclipse and full moon. it is said that with all eclipses, something ends and something else begins and we tapped into that space created beneath the moon…taking the opportunity to create intentions for our lives both individually, as a partnership, and as a family heading into this 10th year. we placed rocks to signify these intentions in a pile, where the tide would eventually wash them away…asserting our role and responsability in co-creation and also recognizing and surrendering to that larger something that is at work in the universe…encountering our continued arriving with each other…chosing one another once again to journey with (as it is an on-going choosing)…all framed in the hopes to better serve the world…
making it to this space is far and few between these days…the summer days drawing my energy outside… but on this grey quiet start to the day i was poking around my site and saw that this short bit had not been published…from the looks of the picture of selah below it looks like it was probably a year or so ago…but it spoke to me this morning…
this business of being finite can feel limiting but also, there is something quite freeing in tapping into the reality of our being finite, limited to time, space and capacity…not to write off that on-going hope of evolution that pushes us forward…in our infinite-y…toward our dreams and perpetual desire for more or different…but recognizing the grace in not being able to do it all…in our finite-y…that is a good place to rest sometimes…
experience
all things with the enthusiasm of a child,
as if you were seeing it for the first time.
always aware.
always new.
i was reminded again recently what great zen masters children can be…
calling into question all of our bs and stripping us bare of all of our notions of having any answers or control…
reminding us that all we have to work with
is. right. now.
oh that i would have the courage to listen and live into this wisdom more often…
but i continue to seek to be open, to listen…
remembering to breathe deeply, be present, soak in the spring sun…
even if it is only occasionally…hopefully those occasions will increase as i open to welcome them.
gratitude is a great teacher. the buds on the branches of the tree quietly suggest that life is always emerging and we may not pay attention, unable to hear, as we become distracted by the thought of the mud that will surely be tracked through our door.
the practice of being mindful of that which i am thankful for has the potential to shift my experience of the world.
noticing and spending time with that which lends life vs. that which drains it.
this is where i want to live…i am tired of the other place.
Filed under: adventuring
I get up, and nothin’ gets me down
You got it tough, I’ve seen the toughest around
And I know, baby, just how you feel
You got to roll with the punches and get to what’s real…
Ah, might as well jump. Jump!
Might as well jump
Go ahead an’ jump. Jump!
Go ahead and jump
Ow-oh! Hey, you! Who said that? Baby, how you been?
You say you don’t know, you won’t know until you begin…
Ah, might as well jump. Jump!
Go ahead and jump
Might as well jump. Jump!
Go ahead and jump
Jump!…
Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump!
-lyrcis by van halen (with a few choruses excluded by me)…
and so he did…over and over again on our most recent venture to the sand pits.
it is so good to see him play, risk, adventure, radiating life.
when does this stop being our natural and preferred tendency.
when do we start calculating the cost of jumping and concluding it is not worth the energy…or when do we lose the energy to do so?
“we may not land right, get it quite right, or the outcome may not be quantifiable or productive”…
might as well jump!
this notion of failure
and the fear of it
binds
creating stagnation
motionlessness
what if…
what if there is no such thing
even more so when ones life is lived for the good of the world
what if any move that is made toward serving the world
is victory
each step forward a gift
even if full fruit is not born
there is no lesser action than inaction
in the act of not acting is where this notion of “failure” is is most likely found
so risk may be the only option
and what if…
instead of constructing a framework of “risk”
we may see each step as a beautiful and wild adventure
the difficulty is…in this moment…the sacred hour in the day when the busy bean rests…where do i plant my feet “now” in order to simply “be”.
jeremiah is conscientious of this being time for mama to have space and he is taking his own…so it is quiet.
and presently being here now is very loaded for me you see.
i did a bit of yoga…but was impatient with the process and could not turn the to-do list off…as many of those things indeed are things that are challenging to do when the bean is up in action…and having to seize the business day hours….with knowing that my energy level at night is minimal (if at all) these days…
i want to write, i want to create, i want to read, i want to have quiet…un-interupted.
and yes there are ways to integrate all of these desires throughout my day, with kiddos under foot and maybe there is peace to be found in this season in that, as that is where i most often am. and this shifting has reminded me that there is an amazing amount of beauty found in that…being present to what is vs. spending energy wishing for a shift of circumstance.
and there is wisdom to be found in looking at “the interruption”…something to hear in it.
oh what to do with this binding notion that i must be effective, efficient, patient, conscientious, flexible, as well as accomplished (all in measurable, simultaneous,and quantifiable ways) to be proven valuable…or rather to prove to myself that i have value?
what a harsh, unforgiving boss i am to myself at times.
so here i am. now. trying to minimize my expectations of outcome…letting go of this notion that it can somehow be controlled.
here are some photos of our snow shoe outing earlier today…at the abandoned “green house” in the woods that we often venture to explore.
pure joy.