experience
all things with the enthusiasm of a child,
as if you were seeing it for the first time.
always aware.
always new.
i was reminded again recently what great zen masters children can be…
calling into question all of our bs and stripping us bare of all of our notions of having any answers or control…
reminding us that all we have to work with
is. right. now.
oh that i would have the courage to listen and live into this wisdom more often…
but i continue to seek to be open, to listen…
remembering to breathe deeply, be present, soak in the spring sun…
even if it is only occasionally…hopefully those occasions will increase as i open to welcome them.
gratitude is a great teacher. the buds on the branches of the tree quietly suggest that life is always emerging and we may not pay attention, unable to hear, as we become distracted by the thought of the mud that will surely be tracked through our door.
the practice of being mindful of that which i am thankful for has the potential to shift my experience of the world.
noticing and spending time with that which lends life vs. that which drains it.
this is where i want to live…i am tired of the other place.
I get up, and nothin’ gets me down
You got it tough, I’ve seen the toughest around
And I know, baby, just how you feel
You got to roll with the punches and get to what’s real…
Ah, might as well jump. Jump!
Might as well jump
Go ahead an’ jump. Jump!
Go ahead and jump
Ow-oh! Hey, you! Who said that? Baby, how you been?
You say you don’t know, you won’t know until you begin…
Ah, might as well jump. Jump!
Go ahead and jump
Might as well jump. Jump!
Go ahead and jump
Jump!…
Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump!
-lyrcis by van halen (with a few choruses excluded by me)…
and so he did…over and over again on our most recent venture to the sand pits.
it is so good to see him play, risk, adventure, radiating life.
when does this stop being our natural and preferred tendency.
when do we start calculating the cost of jumping and concluding it is not worth the energy…or when do we lose the energy to do so?
“we may not land right, get it quite right, or the outcome may not be quantifiable or productive”…
might as well jump!
this notion of failure
and the fear of it
binds
creating stagnation
motionlessness
what if…
what if there is no such thing
even more so when ones life is lived for the good of the world
what if any move that is made toward serving the world
is victory
each step forward a gift
even if full fruit is not born
there is no lesser action than inaction
in the act of not acting is where this notion of “failure” is is most likely found
so risk may be the only option
and what if…
instead of constructing a framework of “risk”
we may see each step as a beautiful and wild adventure
Filed under: adventuring, being mama, getting outside, learning, playing with photos
the difficulty is…in this moment…the sacred hour in the day when the busy bean rests…where do i plant my feet “now” in order to simply “be”.
jeremiah is conscientious of this being time for mama to have space and he is taking his own…so it is quiet.
and presently being here now is very loaded for me you see.
i did a bit of yoga…but was impatient with the process and could not turn the to-do list off…as many of those things indeed are things that are challenging to do when the bean is up in action…and having to seize the business day hours….with knowing that my energy level at night is minimal (if at all) these days…
i want to write, i want to create, i want to read, i want to have quiet…un-interupted.
and yes there are ways to integrate all of these desires throughout my day, with kiddos under foot and maybe there is peace to be found in this season in that, as that is where i most often am. and this shifting has reminded me that there is an amazing amount of beauty found in that…being present to what is vs. spending energy wishing for a shift of circumstance.
and there is wisdom to be found in looking at “the interruption”…something to hear in it.
oh what to do with this binding notion that i must be effective, efficient, patient, conscientious, flexible, as well as accomplished (all in measurable, simultaneous,and quantifiable ways) to be proven valuable…or rather to prove to myself that i have value?
what a harsh, unforgiving boss i am to myself at times.
so here i am. now. trying to minimize my expectations of outcome…letting go of this notion that it can somehow be controlled.
here are some photos of our snow shoe outing earlier today…at the abandoned “green house” in the woods that we often venture to explore.
Filed under: adventuring, getting outside, mama being, why not give it a try
jeremiah has been wondering when he would be able to have a “real pretend gun”, since he knew of there existence, which has been for awhile…the truth is up until a couple of weekends ago i didn’t know if i would ever feel comfortable with it. we have wrestled through this issue and run the gamete…from no pretending with guns at all, to only for hunting (with “handmade weapons”), to justin discovering his old red rider bee-bee gun in his parent’s attic and after some discussion and additional r&d his gifting it to jeremiah…
oh what a day that was! and of coarse, it is a highly supervised activity, and kept out of reach when an adult cannot accompany his play for now…but he could not be happier…
this in many ways is counter-intuitive for me…and i continue to wrestle with how to best parent this young boy navigating his “natural” impulses and his way in the world.
i found this podcast entitled “Play, Spirit, and Character” on speaking of faith to be a really profound commentary on play and also helpful in my continued tensions with my son wanting to “bear arms”…
“Stuart Brown, a physician and director of the National Institute for Play, says that pleasurable, purposeless activity prevents violence and promotes trust, empathy, and adaptability to life’s complication. He promotes cutting-edge science on human play, and draws on a rich universe of study of intelligent social animals”. he also addresses the often perceived “violent” or “aggressive” play of boys as being a necessary tool for them to work out their way in the world and in no way does research indicate that this kind of play results in increased violence perpetrated by adult men, actually there are indications for the opposite being true…though not conclusive, some food for thought for sure.
i have felt more comfortable these days encouraging the warrior in jeremiah (though we continue to emphasize the importance of not hurting others…the focus being more on tapping into his ability and power to “save the world” or at least make it a better and safer place)…something i think we all need to be encouraged in.
good
poetry
makes the universe admit
a secret
i am
really just a tamborine
grab hold
play me
against your warm thigh
-hafiz-
here is my love fly fishing in the snake river in idaho…
in the valley that still holds a bit of our hearts.
we made it up for a bit of the common ground fair, the highlight of which was the face painting and jumping in the hay (over and over again)…
as we were standing in line for the face painting i asked jeremiah if he had decided what he may like as a design… as the completed cheeks, colored with butterflies, spider webs, and flowers walked out of the tent…jeremiah said he was thinking about it…
when he sat down, he did not hesitate with his request for a design: “i want a black stripe on my cheeks, a yellow dot on my chin, some dots on my forehead and a black ladder on my neck” fair enough…
on our way home in the car i asked what inspired his design.
his reply: “i was thinking about how my bones looked…i closed my eyes and turned them in the other way so i could see my bones and that was the design i saw”…perfect.
the bean stayed very entertained with all the good energy and enjoyed a bit of hay play herself.
we also briefly connected with our beautiful long time friends (caren has a beautifully inspiring blog here) who were on their way back to nh after a full weekend.
a beautiful fall day.
