cultivating space
to notice
to sit
without judgement
to smile at the “imperfection”
noticing the texture it adds
welcoming breathe
graciously encountering contraction
noticing how it opens
and allows for the birthing of new potential
gratitude is a great teacher. the buds on the branches of the tree quietly suggest that life is always emerging and we may not pay attention, unable to hear, as we become distracted by the thought of the mud that will surely be tracked through our door.
the practice of being mindful of that which i am thankful for has the potential to shift my experience of the world.
noticing and spending time with that which lends life vs. that which drains it.
this is where i want to live…i am tired of the other place.
one.
birthing her truly seems to have awoken fuller life in me.
and i am thankful.
and honored
to be her mama.
Filed under: giving thanks
it has been a rainy day…and a bit of a sick day and that combination often results in being slowed down… it has been a very full fall…and i am bit tired. and i am reminded to rest, to remember, and to take stock and give thanks…
and i will start by giving thanks for my dear family…in all of its beautiful mess. in all of our differences, things spoken and unspoken…i am thankful that love is our most powerful ethic.
(pre-selah)
there are six of us siblings; 3 boys and 3 girls…”the brady bunch”…i am cindy (the youngest)…we are a bit spread out in location and in perspective, but my love for each (including my mama and papa) runs deeply.
thankful for remembering to be gentle on myself…
i have recently heard it said that in order to truly delight in others one must be gentle on oneself.
i find this so very true…that i am able to take delight in others when i am able to be gentle on myself.
i was not gentle on myself yesterday…feeling so impatient with jeremiah and seeing his desperate means to gain my constant attention/affection as personal assaults (sucking me dry). this tension loaded with the fact that if i don’t give him “enough” attention or empathy (ect.)…i am slacking on my mama-ing and i am bound to damage him…
so i shift to remembering to be gentle on myself…acknowledging that i can only do the best i can with what i’ve got at any given moment…on this journey of hoping that i may still be “a parent that nurtures and supports his having the courage to live alternatively…continuing to create beautiful things in this world while discovering his masculine gifts as a whole, creative, unique being”…even when the world doesn’t feel beautiful or welcoming (even when he feels i am “his world” and i am not feeling beautiful or welcoming in all of my ups and downs and in prioritzing my own needs).
i felt tired yesterday and for reason (as selah is teething and sleep has been much interupted)…realizing i was not offering myself much gentleness-as it takes intentional remembering for me, my more natural tendency being to be very stern (with myself, not so much with jeremiah)…;)
but yet i continue to be amazingly graced by the continued welcome of jeremiah (which i know may not always be the case) but i will receive it as grace in these moments…
selah too is a source of constant grace and welcome…she continues to be so gentle on me (even with much interupted sleep)…
this is where she has spent much of each day, offering me many gracious smiles and her peaceful pressence…
thankful for this spot on the river…
we have been exploring nearby swimming spots and this is one of my favorites.
i discovered this site that is a rich resource of swimming holes accross the country and i have been so pleased with the bounty of our area
…
jeremiah was every much in exploration mode
and though i am savoring these last days of summer we are headed into my most favorite season and this is the first changed leaf that i have paid close attention to…i have noticed them beginning to change, but this one found a place in my pocket
i have been noticing (again and again) what a different and often beautiful perspective giving thanks can give to the same old situations or the same old thought patterns… a breathe of fresh air when the air gets stale. on our car rides in and out of portland most days i have lots of opportunity to notice my thoughts and hear jeremiah’s from the back seat. those times that i hear jeremiah echo back to me a pattern of negative thinking or worry (he is such a powerful mirror at times) we have made it a practice to lift our gaze, to look at the sky…as there is always beauty found there and it serves as a reminder to give thanks. the first time we did this it was another icey snowy day at the end of a very long winter and he was talking about being bummed out that it snowed again, (and truth be told i was too) so i encouraged him to look up and we gave thanks for the beauty that surrounded us, the ice on the trees the texture of the gray clouds over head…the shift from focusing on the dirty snow on the sides of the road that indicated yet another delay to warmer days was powerfully shifted by the miracle of a shift in perspective.
so i am working toward making it an ongoing practice
and i have found it to be a powerful practice in my life and with that i give much thanks
thankful for breathe
thankful for life, for rich blessings that fill mine
justin-my love-visionary-growing machine
jeremiah-my joy & challenge, the great teacher i have in him
selah-my sweet welcome.
for a beautiful place to live. for limitless possibility, for opening, for wonder, for dreams.
thankful for songs that are being constantly sung, the birds, the wind through the trees, the sky’s reflection on the water all echoing contentment and provision.
thankful for fear-all that it is teaching me-for revealing that which is bound in me.
thankful for the ability to listen to my life, for gracious and abundant provision…
thankful….
