i came upon a blackberry bush on a walk in the woods. it was just sleeping selah and i, as jeremiah was in school…nap time has been creating a space in my days that i am not used to having…time that is uninterrupted and the only demands on me are the ones i put on myself (to be as efficient and “productive” with that time as is humanly possible)…
i was struck with how very quiet this walk in the woods was…i then noticed 10 beautiful blackberries along the side of the path. i stopped, checking to make sure the lack of motion would not awaken selah, and then proceeded to enjoy a few of the perfectly sun-warmed, ripened berries…
i then noticed my hesitation as i reached for the others…is there a way i could transport and save these little treasures to share with selah when she awakes and offer jeremiah a glimpse of the wood’s offerings when he returned home from school?…then noticing how they were satisfying a bit of thirst that i had worked up on this sunny afternoon… and reflecting on what a natural first inclination it is for me as a mama to often think of my babies needs or desires before my own…
i was then struck with this tension that i have been sitting in the midst of … having recently sent jeremiah off to his first year of school…with all of our wrestlings and reservations…having weighed each considered variable…knowing that at this time we are not able to execute our most ideal school plan for him…noticing the tension in this dilemma: the surfacing subconscious belief that i have more control in the universe than i ultimately do…
it is true that parents have such a hugely important role in nurturing these beings that have been gifted into our lives…and that to an extent we co-create our (and our children’s) realities…and that we very often have choices in how we perceive our circumstances….
but these question arose in me after having picked the berries, loosely carrying them in my hand and continuing on my way…
do i trust that the universe (including the other people in it) will provide good things for my children (even if i am not orchestrating it or even conscious of it)? will they miss out on the gifts that are so abundant in this beautiful, complex world if i do not point them out or give them to them?
we all indeed have our own stories, colored with various textures and elements…and as a mama, my hope is to encourage jeremiah and selah to have confidence and faith in their own…to trust that the universe is gracious…that joy and healing are abundant even if also are the injustice and tears…
and i know too that as i continue to allow myself to listen to and nurture my own needs, i am better able to be present to theirs…in a ways that allows for growth… leaving them room to experience the gifts and grace that are available in all contexts…
…and with that i arrived home with empty hands (though streaked with purple berry stains)…
Filed under: creating, playing with photos, self-portraiture experiment, student being
playing with this notion of
balance
trees continue to be powerful metaphors
teachers
who know the vitality of rootedness
and what are roots
but that which allows the tapping into life
into that which sustains
into the grace that lies beneath
allowing branches to strengthen
to endure the cold of winters
to bloom graciously in the springs
to flourish in the radiant summers
to surrender in the falls
of life
dynamic
is this being rooted
and it does not seem to have a destination
but rather seasons
Filed under: adventuring, self-portraiture experiment, student being, why not give it a try
i am gearing up for this retreat next weekend entitled ”homecoming: a women’s retreat”… created and hosted by this amazingly inspiring woman: lael couper jepson… “an organization development consultant and coach who has built her career on bringing the art and science of change and transition to individuals, groups and organizations“…
i anticipate much transformation will ensue…
lael asked me to prepare a bit of a bio that follows…
who i am…a human (woman, partner, lover, mama, daughter, sister, friend, seeker, adventurer, creator) emerging…
seeking to courageously navigate the rich complexity of the journey, while learning to trust and welcome the unfolding…
i have found a new kind of grounding more recently (however and always shifting)…what i like to think of as dynamic rootedness…feeling settled in a way i never have and also able to live out from that rootedness in a more flexible and open way…to this evolving, redefining, and refining process of living.
what i am doing in the world…in the midst of a season of much opening, for which i am grateful…
presently working with families and children who have been diagnosed with developmental disabilities, parenting two beautiful beings, experimenting with a homeschooling venture, cultivating time to nurture the urgings to co-create, yoga practitioner, in the midst of doula certification…
all framed in a deep desire to support others in discovering their boundless potential, power, and beauty.
why I said yes to “she changes”…in the posture of this season of brilliant change…as i daily intend much courage to continue to say yes…
in light of reckoning with my tendency to get caught up in and pre-occupied by the hurdles of life (primarily the internal deficits and struggles) vs. opening to the gifts that are i am finding freedom to encounter life as a limitless adventure…
consciously making peace with my being human…with my inability to maximize all values and hopes simultaneously…welcoming my “imperfection” and even seeing it as gift…
my saying “yes” to this time is a gesture of deeply welcoming the unfolding without judgment…consciously opening to the opportunity to continue to trust and grow for the sake of the world…
p.s. (registration is open until wednesday:)!
Filed under: self-portraiture experiment, student being, thirty days of thanksgiving, yoga
thankful for yoga…
it is such a grounding practice that has participated in my coming to peace with my being embodied, giving me courage to engage the world in new ways. it also simply reminds me to breath.
i resonated with parts of this podcast on speaking of faith (a conversation with seane corn)
it is wild how over night jeremiah seemed to age years with a bit of a (major) trim. he really does look so big to me.
there has recently been a shift in our dynamic…i have been feeling it…and this cut has somehow driven it home…yes it is true, he is entering a new era…that of being a bona fide kid. somehow his turning 5 next month feels like a major milestone: 5 whole years old.
it is so crazy to see the boy he is and is becoming, he does not seem to “need” me as much, or in the same way. i am hopeful that he seems grounded and secure enough to assert some Independence and that he seems over all pretty confident in asserting himself in the world…and i find myself crossing my fingers that i may know how to best mother him, support and love him without smothering or stifling him.
what an honor, to walk along side this boy who inhabits some of the deepest reaches of my heart.
such a treasure, a true gift.
