my employment

in my last post i mentioned my tendency toward being a rather unforgiving boss (to myself)…

and the shift that i will now tune into is the fact that i am (in fact) a pretty damn good employee.

and who is it after all that i am working for, if not for the good of the world.

so in that vein and with the counsel of many who have gone before me…it is with intention (in this month of my birth) that i will focus on the beauty that i bring to the world…and i hope to share glimpses with you, dear reader…with hopes that you will be reminded of your own. 

 

Let the beauty we love be what we do.
There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don’t go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don’t go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don’t go back to sleep.

I would love to kiss you.
The price of kissing is your life.
Now my loving is running toward my life shouting,
What a bargain, let’s buy it.

Daylight, full of small dancing particles
and the one great turning, our souls
are dancing with you, without feet, they dance.
Can you see them when I whisper in your ear?

All day and night, music,
a quiet, bright
reedsong. If it
fades, we fade.

~rumi

zafu and zabuton

we just returned from vermont…it was so nice to get away…and it is so nice to be home 

thought i would post a fun project that (even with my emerging sewing skills) came together nicely and was well received by justin for endless hours of meditation to come.

i have been getting creative with the mac camera (as my camera broke) and i really miss capturing images…i have a camera coming my way for christmas that has not yet arrived which i am very excited about

jeremiah placed this mr. and mrs. claus on the window sill and they spectated my project making

this post is very thorough about the process and was very helpful…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i use buckwheat hulls for the zabuton as well which seemed to have done the trick.

jeremiah tested the combo out for papa and thought it would do the trick.

a comfy seat indeed.

easy (and fun) christmas cards

make some apple prints…

trim apple to core and cut core in half

stamp in preferred paint colors

jeremiah thought it would be a good idea to staple the layers of paper instead of glueing…which i thought was very clever (and time saving)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

play

jeremiah has been wondering when he would be able to have a “real pretend gun”, since he knew of there existence, which has been for awhile…the truth is up until a couple of weekends ago i didn’t know if i would ever feel comfortable with it.  we have wrestled through this issue and run the gamete…from no pretending with guns at all, to only for hunting (with “handmade weapons”), to justin discovering his old red rider bee-bee gun in his parent’s attic and after some discussion and additional r&d his gifting it to jeremiah…

oh what a day that was!  and of coarse, it is a highly supervised activity, and kept out of reach when an adult cannot accompany his play for now…but he could not be happier…

this in many ways is counter-intuitive for me…and i continue to wrestle with how to best parent this young boy navigating his “natural” impulses and his way in the world.

i found this podcast entitled “Play, Spirit, and Character” on speaking of faith to be a really profound commentary on play and also helpful in my continued tensions with my son wanting to “bear arms”…

“Stuart Brown, a physician and director of the National Institute for Play, says that pleasurable, purposeless activity prevents violence and promotes trust, empathy, and adaptability to life’s complication. He promotes cutting-edge science on human play, and draws on a rich universe of study of intelligent social animals”.  he also addresses the often perceived “violent” or “aggressive” play of boys as being a necessary tool for them to work out their way in the world and in no way does research indicate that this kind of play results in increased violence perpetrated by adult men, actually there are indications for the opposite being true…though not conclusive, some food for thought for sure.

i have felt more comfortable these days encouraging the warrior in jeremiah (though we continue to emphasize the importance of not hurting others…the focus being more on tapping into his ability and power to “save the world” or at least make it a better and safer place)…something i think we all need to be encouraged in.

a glimpse of a day in a life

i like this idea… “ a week in the life” (documenting; through glimpses of photos and words, an ordinary week of your life)…and i am thinking about giving it a go on some level…but i seem to be lacking a bit of optimism presently… i am in a word: overwhelmed. overwhelmed by the limitations of time and and limitless (limited) potential these days…which is actually a really refreshing dilemma, but overwhelming none-the-less.

and i guess i really have a hard time with not being able to do it all (duh:) and feeling a bit spread thin with my attempts…

so for now…here is a glimpse of a day…in all that it has been thus far…in its imperfection, frustration, connection, laughter, lack of connection, impatience, patience, contractions, tears, mis-communications, anger, wrestlings, and deep love… 

last night i had a hard time winding down…(feeling a bit discouraged overall…and recently with a seeming lack of connection (even disconnection) with jeremiah, like i can’t quite get at where he is at times…so…in the near dark as i was attempting to fall asleep i jotted down these 5 things that i wanted to intend for today as follows:

5

be present

enjoy

rest

wonder

create

and the fact is now at the near end of the day, it has been on ok day, but it has been very difficult at times and i am feeling a bit discouraged…

we have in fact managed to do a bit of creating, dancing, walking, and even enjoying with wonder making a few appearances here and there…and overall i guess i could say it has been a restful day…but not a “smooth” one….one with waves of conflict and miscommunication…one on which i didn’t always feel like a good mom and i just wanted to call it quits at times (like that is an option while parenting….) and i have not felt super accomplished in my intention of being present…

i recognize the tensions…i do…and i continue to try to tap into grace…i think the biggest hurdle for me is trying to make peace with anger, specifically my own and also allowing it to be seen it in others…this is not easy for me, in fact it is really hard!

true confessions: i feel like a “bad person” even when i just feel angry (outside of the “righteous” kind, ie. for the injustice in the world) and even more so when i express it (god forbid!) and i know too, that it is important (even necessary) to help model anger in a healthy way to jeremiah, that he may come to peace with his own anger…that is inevitable in life, (certainly necessary), and even good… and i recognize that my withholding my anger in infinite patience it is not a realistic (or helpful) world to try to “create” for him (to protect him?)…

so there it is…just a glimpse of a day in a life.

coming home

…the retreat was a rich, full journey indeed, the depths of the impact are still and will continue to be unfolding within and without me…

for now i will attempt to give you a glimpse of my time…

such power was found and reflected in the stories of the women who gathered…space was made among us to live brilliantly, without apology and with generous welcome.

one of the workshops i attended was called “Writing from Within: Becoming the Midwife of Your Own Journey” facilitated by this amazing woman. we explored the “hero(ine’s) journey” and particularly focused on entering into ”the abyss”, that represents the greatest challenge of the heroine’s journey, here is where the heroine is asked to identify and go on to slay “the/her dragon”.

though i am sure that i have not fully identified all of the ins and outs of my dragon, i do know that what i know of it has indeed kept me from living out the fullness of my gift to the world. the nut shell version (or at least a hint) of my dragon can be found here…

that dragon was around this weekend, but didn’t seem to have much power over me, and i thankfully managed to see and trust that this dragon is being/ and will continue to be slayed with intention…

it was a deep blessing to be in the midst of such beautiful women who are each seeking in their own ways to live out their fullest potential, indeed it was inspiring, encouraging, and life giving.

i was lended the courage not to hide and i am thankful.

this amazing woman wrote a post about the weekend. as did this one. i am hoping to post a link to some photos soon…

she changes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i am gearing up for this retreat next weekend entitled ”homecoming: a women’s retreat”… created and hosted by this amazingly inspiring woman: lael couper jepson… “an organization development consultant and coach who has built her career on bringing the art and science of change and transition to individuals, groups and organizations“…

 

i anticipate much transformation will ensue…

lael asked me to prepare a bit of a bio that follows…

 

who i am…a human (woman, partner, lover, mama, daughter, sister, friend, seeker, adventurer, creator) emerging…

 

seeking to courageously navigate the rich complexity of the journey, while learning to trust and welcome the unfolding…

 

i have found a new kind of grounding more recently (however and always shifting)…what i like to think of as dynamic rootedness…feeling settled in a way i never have and also able to live out from that rootedness in a more flexible and open way…to this evolving, redefining, and refining process of living. 

 

 

what i am doing in the world…in the midst of a season of much opening, for which i am grateful…

 

presently working with families and children who have been diagnosed with developmental disabilities, parenting two beautiful beings, experimenting with a homeschooling venture, cultivating time to nurture the urgings to co-create, yoga practitioner, in the midst of doula certification…

 

all framed in a deep desire to support others in discovering their boundless potential, power, and beauty. 

 

 

why I said yes to “she changes”…in the posture of this season of brilliant change…as i daily intend much courage to continue to say yes…

 

in light of reckoning with my tendency to get caught up in and pre-occupied by the hurdles of life (primarily the internal deficits and struggles) vs. opening to the gifts that are i am finding freedom to encounter life as a limitless adventure…

 

consciously making peace with my being human…with my inability to maximize all values and hopes simultaneously…welcoming my “imperfection” and even seeing it as gift…

 

my saying “yes” to this time is a gesture of deeply welcoming the unfolding without judgment…consciously opening to the opportunity to continue to trust and grow for the sake of the world…

 

p.s. (registration is open until wednesday:)! 

 

 

::thirty days of thanksgiving::eighteen

giving thanks today for yesterday…

life has been a bit of a juggling act lately, or i guess in general, but it feels more recently the number of balls have increased…

i was able to spend some time on my yoga mat yesterday, which is helpful for creating space, and sometimes de-clutters a bit.

i am reminded.

to take 

it easy

on me

once and awhile.

ps: i have discovered picnik.com and have had SO much fun playing with photos…i am generally not a neon fan, but i fiddled with this one effect for a long time and somehow settled on this combo…hmmm i think it was partly being amazed at seeing myself so dark skinned…

so i just decided to go with it…seriously it is so fun to experiment with, and very user friendly…check it out