welcome fear

if it arrives

make it at home

re-assure it

allow it to rest

in the peace that comes with trust

it is tired of the fight

that is it’s existance

ask it what it has to teach you today

about holding too tightly

about this needing to know

about peace

birth as metaphor for life

welcoming contraction

 as an inevitable companion

facilitating opening if not resisted

as this living life that is alive is constantly birthing and being birthed

unfolding and folding in

when fear finds footing

room for expansion evaporates

and the discomfort of contraction arrests development

in being with the discomfort

greater opening emerges

the laboring offers a glimpse of the potential to be birthed into new life

in each moment

i came upon a blackberry bush on a walk in the woods.   it was just sleeping  selah and i, as jeremiah was in school…nap time has been creating a space in my days that i am not used to having…time that is uninterrupted and the only demands on me are the ones i put on myself (to be as efficient and “productive” with that time as is humanly possible)…

i was struck with how very quiet this walk in the woods was…i then noticed 10 beautiful blackberries along the side of the path.  i stopped, checking to make sure the lack of motion would not awaken selah, and then proceeded to enjoy a few of the perfectly sun-warmed, ripened berries…

i then noticed my hesitation as i reached for the others…is there a way i could transport and save these little treasures to share with selah when she awakes and offer jeremiah a glimpse of the wood’s offerings when he returned home from school?…then noticing how they were satisfying a bit of thirst that i had worked up on this sunny afternoon… and reflecting on what a natural first inclination it is for me as a mama to often think of my babies needs or desires before my own…

i was then struck with this tension that i have been sitting in the midst of … having recently sent jeremiah off to his first year of school…with all of our wrestlings and reservations…having weighed each considered variable…knowing that at this time we are not able to execute our most ideal school plan for him…noticing the tension in this dilemma: the surfacing subconscious belief that i have more control in the universe than i ultimately do…

it is true that parents have such a hugely important role in nurturing these beings that have been gifted into our lives…and that to an extent we co-create our (and our children’s) realities…and that we very often have choices in how we perceive our circumstances….

but these question arose in me after having picked the berries, loosely carrying them in my hand and continuing on my way…

do i trust that the universe (including the other people in it) will provide good things for my children (even if i am not orchestrating it or even conscious of it)?  will they miss out on the gifts that are so abundant in this beautiful, complex world if i do not point them out or give them to them? 

we all indeed have our own stories, colored with various textures and elements…and as a mama, my hope is to encourage jeremiah and selah to have confidence and faith in their own…to trust that the universe is gracious…that joy and healing are abundant even if also are the injustice and tears…

and i know too that as i continue to allow myself to listen to and nurture my own needs, i am better able to be present to theirs…in a ways that allows for growth… leaving them room to experience the gifts and grace that are available in all contexts…

…and with that i arrived home with empty hands (though streaked with purple berry stains)…

                                                                                                                            “a bird does not sing because it has a question.

it sings because it has a song” ~joan anglund

“…inquiry is a wonderful thing, but today is the day to rejoice in what you already know!  put down the desire to know for just one day, and rejoice in being, with no other reason than to sing your own personnal song.  who cares who hears it- rejoice in the song itselaf and the ability to sign it!” ~elissa cobb

there is this internal urging that i have encountered most (if not all) days of my life thus far…the urging desire that i seek to be pleasing to other(100% of the time)…and i am starting to see that with all of that wasted energy i am  selling myself short of being rooted in who i am and being able to offer my true gift to the world…

justin and i recently celebrated our 9th anniversary and it happened to fall on a lunar eclipse and full moon.  it is said that with all eclipses, something ends and something else begins and we tapped into that space created beneath the moon…taking the opportunity to create intentions for our lives both individually, as a partnership, and as a family heading into this 10th year.  we placed rocks to signify these intentions in a pile, where the tide would eventually wash them away…asserting our role and responsability in co-creation and also recognizing and surrendering to that larger something that is at work in the universe…encountering our continued arriving with each other…chosing one another once again to journey with (as it is an on-going choosing)…all framed in the hopes to better serve the world…

making it to this space is far and few between these days…the summer days drawing my energy outside… but on this grey quiet start to the day i was poking around my site and saw that this short bit had not been published…from the looks of the picture of selah below it looks like it was probably a year or so ago…but it spoke to me this morning…

this business of being finite can feel limiting but also, there is something quite freeing in tapping into the reality of our being finite, limited to time, space and capacity…not to write off that on-going hope of evolution that pushes us forward…in our infinite-y…toward our dreams and perpetual desire for more or different…but recognizing the grace in not being able to do it all…in our finite-y…that is a good place to rest sometimes…

after being bathed in the light of the sun

…as she indulged a bit…

borrowing the light from the sky of day

a new moon was born into the the earth.

women let us remember our deep connection to the moon

together our cycles ebb and flow

rooting us into the earth

allowing us to birth new life into being

offering generous, welcoming,  gentle, & healing light to the cosmos.

what an elaborate collaboration

of hoops

fear has created

minds to maneuver

instead let rest come

in the truth of god’s all knowing all being hope

what a wonder

a cruelty

if this were all a big game of guesses

which light is good?

which light is of the “darkness”?

or could it be that order is bigger, more inclusive, less divided?

could it be that we are all welcome and welcoming?

none turned away…

let go of your corner to behold the beauty of the intricately woven fabric

in all its textures

as no one has a corner on the god market

behold

the divinity resides within each of us

namaste.

 creating space to notice …to listen to the story lines that have shaped and are shaping my life…noticing that they are not always helpful and realizing the power that i have in shaping and creating the story…therein, offering myself grace and welcome, lies such potential and hope.

that these days are fleeting…curious why i have such a hard time slowing down…it is true that there will always be things that need to get done….but these days…these days will be missed…am i really soaking them in now?

i have been loving this song today.

i hope you are enjoying this moment.

experience

all things with the enthusiasm of a child,

as if you were seeing it for the first time.

always aware.

always new.